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Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Obscure Professionals

Your Whispering Homunculus

“Master!”

“Again, slimesides, what now?”

“There is a woman at the door.”

“A woman? But it’s not Thursday.”

“No, no, master, another woman. This one is selling something.”

“Tell her to go away. I tire of interruptions.”

“But master, she claims to be the only black pudding-rearer this side of Glacierland!”

Let’s face it, some people have some pretty unusual jobs, and sometimes it’s hard not to be jealous of someone who seems to have an easy life or who is good at something no one else is. Conversely, it’s hard not to feel sorry that some have achieved their somewhat strange station in life in a job perhaps few would wish for.

Fantasy cities work in exactly the same way; there are people trading there who have few rivals, if any, and some misguided individuals who believe fame and fortune is only just around the corner for their obscure trade. There are also those who do jobs no one else would.

On the back of the earlier YWH One-Hundred Curious Emporiums, here then are One-Hundred Obscure Professionals to use as background color, as NPCs with a tale, or for amusement.

  1. Lendrip Oswik, the World’s Greatest Aboleth Scholar
  2. Bid Lechry, Bleacher
  3. Sidney Ropwell, Carriage Lamp-Fitter
  4. Sage Gentry Horace Queld Marrimen—Cathedral Architect
  5. Dwarf Sheggly Mocrund, Master Chitin Crafter
  6. Lazarus Hulld, Component Sourcer to the Royal Wizardry
  7. Meg Mimply—Embalmer
  8. Jacob Strange—Executioner
  9. Matt the Fuller
  10. The Great Oldwind, Garden Designer
  11. Gnome Malldwick Shortsone, Gelatinous Cube Merchant
  12. Sankl the Glassblower
  13. Ulwin Beetleslayer, no Infestation too Great
  14. Archibald Crudd, Royal Glue Merchant
  15. Sparraw Turtlegraw—Gnome Taunter Extraordinaire!
  16. Bot the Spade Merchant
  17. Dot, son of Bot, Shovel Merchant
  18. Hemlin, Master Sledge Maker
  19. Freelinquin Ladysgrub, Masterwork Harpsichord Maker
  20. Torren the Ship Designer
  21. Mistress Jubb, Griffon Dealer of Countless Continents
  22. Master Jubb, Hippogriff Trainer Extraordinaire!
  23. Hazlet the Lime Burner
  24. Lime the Hazlet Maker
  25. Juppy Mudlark
  26. Dabb Clogger
  27. The Honorary Jacob Garb, the Cheese Monger
  28. The Great Quondrian, Naga Sage and Master of Snakes
  29. Mullins, Grubb and Tulin, Paste Gem Makers
  30. The Enigmatic Gratter, Professional Cloaker Hunter
  31. Tar the Fearless, Professional Owlbear Tamer
  32. His Holiness Zeluder Trudge, Pudding-Rearer and Ooze Sage
  33. Tailor Frin, Rag and Bone Man
  34. Young Festus, Royal Riding Dog Trainer
  35. Kalun the Ruff Merchant
  36. Jagreb the Cony Catcher
  37. Farrin the Tikka Grinder
  38. Joob Skinner
  39. Jacob the Peatcutter
  40. Lawrin Arkwright, Manufacturer of Masterwork Sealing Wax
  41. Watwell’s Amazing Wall Shield Mart
  42. The Amazing Lady Fress, Snake Charmer and Hypnotist
  43. Barrin the Soap Merchant
  44. Happy Abe Klepwright, Master Spoon Carver
  45. J B Griullitt and Son, Torture Chamber Fitter
  46. Mabb the Woad Dyer
  47. Physician Altreeb Nector—Leech Collector
  48. Vof the Gravedigger
  49. Captain Hubbard Tryst—Vampire Hunter
  50. Petal the Eel Fisher
  51. Calwin Cob, Master Cutler
  52. Chubb the Mousetrap Maker
  53. Netwin Jon the Distiller
  54. Jogg Twine, Featherman by Royal Appointment
  55. Patterdon the Fell Monger
  56. Twill Bentram, Master Muffin Maker
  57. Bog Gelder
  58. Elizbeth the Horner
  59. Canner’s Clockery and Water Clock Workhouse
  60. Sadge the Ratcatcher—Wererats a Speciality
  61. Podge the Jagger
  62. Tarpull the Knoller
  63. Tarquin the Ewer
  64. Hazzard Cavail, Freakshow Exhibit Recruiter
  65. Brother Mantrim the Beekeeper
  66. Nadge Natman, the World’s Only Bat Milker
  67. The Singular Twerb, Silkworm Merchant to Kings and Queens
  68. Antry Guess, Nailmaker
  69. Elmin the Spider Gatherer
  70. Ankrem the Malster
  71. Tol the Dry Stone Waller
  72. The Great Puddrin, Sap Merchant
  73. Barnabus Quart, the Greatest Living Wax Fruit Maker
  74. Gollin the Cloakseller
  75. Ned the Ostler
  76. Nadge Quarryman
  77. Elis the Rag Cutter
  78. Zolwin Zolwell, the Legend of Mandolin Making
  79. Kuppy the Dowser
  80. Jog Shambler
  81. Karl the Wabster
  82. Drebblin Marg, Mole Trapper
  83. Mellenia Qurade, Lace Merchant
  84. Toll the Bagman
  85. Sarf the Shark-meat Pickler
  86. Jacob Nodge, Nose-flute Carver Extraordinaire!
  87. Tetchy Festus, the Master of all things of Wire
  88. Hanris Slopseller
  89. Anrus Crole the Plowman
  90. Mistress Pickle, the Pickler who Pickles for Pickle-Loving Royals
  91. Potwin the Brave, Milker of Centipede Poison
  92. Jonjus and His Amazingly Curious Fish Mart
  93. Magg the Helm Chinstrap Making Mistress
  94. Dolg the Pigment Merchant
  95. Gubb the Plucker
  96. Rodgly Rugs
  97. Jastwin the Masterwork Framemaker
  98. Olwin Crab, Magnifying Lenses to the World
  99. Tarquin Fimlake, the Stage Set Painter
  100. Small Sleds by Thrab

12 Replies to "Your Whispering Homunculus: 100 Obscure Professionals"

DMCal

February 13, 2013 at 7:40am

Another great list, and one that I’m going to have to look for what some of these professions actually do!

Tom Benton

February 13, 2013 at 8:12am

Pardon me for being so forward, but is there a Mister Pickle?

rich pett

February 13, 2013 at 10:57am

Definitely a vacancy there Tom:) Ithink there could be some fun with the NPCs assuming that everyone knows what they do by their names.

Rich

Frank

February 13, 2013 at 11:37am

Hey this is kind of cool.. I like the emporiums too. Thanks.

Troy

February 13, 2013 at 12:11pm

Torture Chamber Fitter? You are a bad man Mr. Pett. Deliciously bad. :)

rich pett

February 13, 2013 at 12:26pm

You know I trained for years at university to do that Troy…

Tom Benton

February 13, 2013 at 12:46pm

Urban adventure hook for the taking:

Has anyone ever actually seen Sadge the Ratcatcher and Twill Bentram at the same time? I sure haven’t. Funny thing. Those muffins, though. So so great. And yes, I have been feeling a little feral lately, since you mention it.

James Thomas

February 14, 2013 at 8:58pm

Clever as always!

Which of these have you ever done Rich?

rich pett

February 15, 2013 at 1:05am

Most of them James, most of them…

Jim Sullivan

February 18, 2013 at 7:09am

“Master Chitin Crafter”

That is an adventure hook right there

Mr. Pett, you sir, are awesome.

Jackdaw

February 22, 2013 at 1:04pm

I think my Gubb the Plucker may have a rather unfortunate (but amusing) speech impediment and a special talent with pheasants. Puerile I know but then I love Carry On films. Thanks again Master Pett. It is always a pleasure reading your stuff.

Charles Carrier

February 26, 2013 at 10:17am

Numbers 16 and 17 – really liked these two.

I know what most of these are, but I had to look up a few…
Horner: http://www.pahorner.com/what-is-a-horner/
Wabster: http://www.wordnik.com/words/wabster
Malster: http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070126121058AATyzB4
Knoller: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Knoller

And Hazler Maker. Okay, I give up. What is a hazlet maker? All I can find on that one is a town in New Jersey and a family that used to be lords of the manor in Surry back before 1066. Of course, I suppose Mr. and Mrs. Hazlet *could* be considered Hazlet Makers, but I’d prefer not to hire them for that purpose!